The Wal-Mart Family Cookbook.....ha!

So, I'm sitting here at the desktop yesterday, viewing job listing number 477 (after awhile it's all a combination of blur and frustration), I glance over to my left and look at the bookcase....

....and, again proving how little I was home up until November, I saw the following:

"The Wal-Mart Family Cookbook".

I immediately thought, "I could go a million directions with this one!"

So, here are a few rejected recipes for their cookbook, that would rate five stars if I had authored the cookbook.....


"Employee Shrug Salad"

Ingredients:

-1 part shopper question

-3 parts Wal-Mart employee
1 part "staring into space face"
1 part "fire in the eyes"
1 part "combination of ambiguity and apathy"

-1 part item in secret location no one in the company knows

-3 parts inability to communicate

Take all parts to department of your choice (after stopping in housewares to find whatever pot is available), place into pot, and stir. Mixer not needed, the result is the same no matter how mixed up the parts are.

Place in blue vest and wait until you say "excuse me" for the 7th time.

Serve only to people seriously in need of being completely ignored.

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"Never-Moving Conga Line Linguini"

Ingredients:

-Seven people who still shop at Wal-Mart despite the presence of a beautiful Super Target right across the street.

-1 part "peak shopping time" on Saturday

-A Wal-Mart with 32 shopping check-out aisles

-Said Wal-Mart with only four of 32 check-out aisles open

-Two aisles contain blinking number lights, waiting for manager currently on cell phone in restroom working on toilet paper budget with District Supervisor

-One aisle with employee seeming to be working, but number light is off, leaving the question "Open, or Not Open"?

-One aisle open, light on, with employee seemingly mesmerized that someone can buy bagged salad, motor oil, and dungarees at the same store.

DIRECTIONS:

Place seven shoppers in line from nicest to most ornery

Tie them up with linguini

Place at register with light on

Turn on "Conga" from an 80s CD from the music department that sells for $5.99 because all the songs on the CD are redone by "The Music Machine", instead of the original artist.

Have seven shoppers hop up and down in place, signifying complete absence of progress until all seven collapse on the floor.

Serve equally as EMT's arrive.


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Nothing says "family" like, "Price Check Register 19!"....then she closes register 19 before the manager evens answers the call and walks away.