Sorry it's been a week since my last blog entry...for several reasons. None the least of which was finding out last Tuesday night my Dad had been diagnosed with an aortic aneurysm.
If you're looking for jolly, pick-me-up reading, don't click the previous link. But, for families of those with all types of aneurysms, it's reality and must be dealt with head on.....
....you see, it's not his first aneurysm. We'll travel that road another time.
So, I obviously want to get to New Bern, NC, where Dad, my brother, sis-in-law, and graduating niece (yea!!) live.
Surgery is Friday. Hope to leave early from work and head down Friday evening. Why did I ever think that would happen?? So, it'll be a Saturday trip.
Rachel has her first piano recital Saturday, so the family cannot go. It's me, alone.
And therein lies the rub. You see, I haven't set foot outside the Commonwealth of Virginia in, well, it was exactly three years last Thursday. This is part of the life filled with the glories and wonders of depression. Many people, like me, have this overcoming desire to be around or at home. You might remember the church I used to pastor was 45 miles away. For a few months some time back, I was getting some "pangs" just going to church.
A peep of anxiety fell Friday night. Saturday morning was a mess. I can't go to North Carolina...neither can I, well, leave bed. Wife offers solution which would allow her to drive me down later in the day and makes arranges to do such. She gets home from Rachel's recital and couldn't do plan B either.
Wife was, well, I don't want to speak her emotion since I don't feel them....so we'll keep it with, Wife was disappointed with me because of all the people I had inconvenienced. Makes perfect sense and I understand now. It wasn't my first concern, though.
My dad, brother and sis in NC were my concern, and my inability to get in a van and drive awhile to the south and east had yet to show itself other than in my mind. Bed was a wonderful security blanket (can I get a shout out from someone depressed who finds their bed a haven occasionally!)
Sunday came and went, with me only going to work late Sunday night (which I had planned to do on the way home from NC). But I had taken Monday off. Hmmmmm......
What about striking out after the family goes to work/school? I start quietly planning, even showing interest in how to check fluids in my van (long story), because I couldn't go without doing that.
And then, just before Wife leaves for work, this ill feeling begins. I didn't let it last long. I knew the deal.
So, sleep some more, hang out with the family, and watch a lame Deal or No Deal. (Celine? Had she ever watched the show???)
Talked with Bro today and Dad's very well, waiting for a regular room to open up so he can stop bugging the ICU nurses.
Oh, and we also covered the big 5-4 Carolina Hurricanes win in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals!!!
And the second best thing was my bro didn't kill me. I'm so embarrassed by all this, yet I'm so open about it. How do you reconcile those two facts?? I don't know when I'll be ready to travel far; that's the only "fact" I can present as to when this mountain shall be climbed.
And the very best part was Dad doing so well in surgery and so far in recovery.
After going to the doc today, I've been told some therapy may be in my future. That'll be interesting.
My transcripts will only be available on pay-per-read.
PS: Hurricanes fans, just because you pulled out game one and Edmonton's goalie is kinda gimpy, don't start drinking from the cup just yet.
PPS: I made sure I was checking at my work computer tonight so I would know when the time was:
6:06:06pm on 06/06/06.
I waited for blood to creep down the walls of the office, a big demonface to appear in the sky.......
......all I got was an apparition of my co-worker, Rodney, standing at the office door singing, "Havin' My Baby", singing in the direction of the desk of one of the three ladies in which I share the room. He left without giving us a clue as to his, well, direction.
And that was all. I can only imagine what the Apostle Paul would say at the sight...
"THREE MISSIONARY JOURNEYS, A BUNCH OF UNMERITED JAIL TIME, REALLY BAD SANDALS, AND A TOTAL OF 2,000 YEARS (give or take) OF WAITING AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS GUY SINGING ABOUT HIS BABY?"
A correction though, as we close 06/06/06, the narrative. Paul did admit later that he heard Joseph sing the same song to Mary while walking with her toward the stable.
:)
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