Tuesday, September 06, 2022

Rob's Always Fearless, Always Wrong NFL Predictions: Edition 2022

We begin the 103rd season of the National Football League this week, so, right on schedule, it's time for another look at how this season will definitely NOT unfold. Here are my predictions for the upcoming season, and the last time I'll talk about the NFL until the high school and Randolph-Macon College seasons have concluded.  :)

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE:

NFC East:

#1--Dallas Cowboys (11-6): In a year where they are not the odds-on favorite to win the division, Dak Prescott has a career year, and, more importantly, they'll run the football. One way to help their defense is to win the time of possession battle. Zeke and Tony will be the talk of Big D.

#2--Philadelphia Eagles (9-8): The trendy choice for this division, I'm just not sold. I see a lot of pieces here, but not the whole. I'm not sold on Jalen Hurts. He needs to gain chemistry with A.J. Brown, and fast. Rooting, as always, for Highland Springs grad K'Von Wallace.

#3--Washington Commanders (6-11): No. Carson Wentz is a no. He'll likely have a pick six on a shovel pass inside his own 10 yard line by Week 5. The absence of Chase Young will also hurt a defensive that has been given so many pieces, yet have been the most disappointing unit, maybe, in team history.

#4--New York Giants (4-13): No. Daniel Jones is not a franchise quarterback. It will become painfully apparent as the season unfolds. Can Saquon Barkley actually stay healthy for a full season? I doubt it. This team has a ton of holds. As a Giants fan, it's frustrating to watch, but it's reality.

NFC North:

#1--Green Bay Packers (12-5): While I don't see the Packers being really dominant this regular season, I do think they'll win the division again. Aaron Rodgers will throw touchdown passes to 277 different receivers, including a FedEx delivery driver, a Papa John's delivery driver, and a Starbucks barista.

#2--Minnesota Vikings (9-8): So, Kirk Cousins is an amazing businessman. He's made, like $12 billion as an NFL quarterback, but there's only one playoff win on the resume. Does that change this season? A lot depends on whether Dalvin Cook (like Barkley) can be healthy over seventeen games. I do like Justin Jefferson and Adam Thielen.

#3--Chicago Bears (8-9): One of the surprise teams of the season. Justin Fields proves he belongs, and the defense plays better than expected. Not enough for a postseason berth, but enough to create some buzz in Chicago, and, maybe, take some attention over the brewing stadium controversy.

#4--Detroit Lions (5-12): I want to support the Lions. I really do. But then I remember that Jared Goff is their quarterback. I'm still trying to figure out how the Rams made Super Bowl 53 with Jared Goff, who is racing toward the likes of David Woodley and Rex Grossman as worst quarterbacks to start a Super Bowl.

NFC South:

#1--Tampa Bay Buccaneers (10-7): Something hasn't happened since 2008. That something is an injury to Tom Brady, who blew out a knee on opening day fourteen seasons ago. He won't avoid the injury bug this year, likely something nagging rather than major, but will still have enough to put the Bucs on top in a relatively weak division. 

#2--New Orleans Saints (9-8): I'm just wondering if Jameis Winston can not throw 30 interceptions in a season, which was his number the last season he started in Tampa. Is Michael Thomas good to go? Who knows? This team should, at least, sweep the two teams beneath them.

#3--Carolina Panthers (6-11): Let the Matt Ruhle watch begin. By December, we will know whether Baker Mayfield was actually worthy of the number one overall pick in the draft. Ruhle may be the first to go from the coaching ranks, unless....

#4--Atlanta Falcons (3-14): ....one Arthur realizes another Arthur was a mistake. Marcus Mariota has had injury issues throughout his career, and lost his starting job in Tennessee. It would not surprise me if Atlanta tops the draft order next spring....

NFC West:

#1--San Francisco 49ers (13-4): What quarterback controversy? There's a reason why Kyle Shanahan made peace with Jimmy G. I think we'll see him on the field sooner rather than later, but not due to bad performance by Trey Lance, but by injury. George Kittle is a beast, and Deebo Samuel could be in the MVP discussion this season.

#2--Arizona Cardinals (11-6): I still believe in Kyler Murray, despite the controversy surrounding him in the offseason. Once he's able to enjoy the presence of DeAndre Hopkins again, look out. I'm really hoping this defense can fulfill its potential. Oh, and Highland Springs' Greg Dortch is going to break out this year!!

#3--Los Angeles Rams (8-9): It's been 2016 since the last time a defending Super Bowl champion missed the playoffs (Denver Broncos). It will happen again this year. There will be some injuries, and some surprisingly bad play. But do not cry for Sean McVay. He'll have them back in the hunt in 2023.

#4--Seattle Seahawks (4-13): I don't know exactly where the Seahawks will find the victories this year, but I do think they'll shock the Rams once, and, maybe the Cardinals. At age 70, is Pete Carroll willing the sacrifice this season to get his next Russell Wilson next April? And watch for D.K. Metcalf to get disgruntled. Quickly.

NFC PLAYOFFS:

East: Dallas
North: Green Bay
South: Tampa Bay
West: San Francisco

Wild Cards: Arizona, Minnesota, Philadelphia

BYE: San Francisco

Wild Card Weekend:
#2 Green Bay d. #7 Philadelphia
#6 Minnesota d. #3 Dallas
#5 Arizona d. #4 Tampa Bay

Divisional Round:
#1 San Francisco d. #6 Minnesota
#5 Arizona d. #2 Green Bay

NFC Championship:
#1 San Francisco d. #5 Arizona

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AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE:

AFC East:

#1--Buffalo Bills (14-3): I still can't believe how you lose a playoff lead with thirteen seconds left. But this will give Sean McDermott, and probable MVP Josh Allen, the motivation to get back there, and much more. Von Miller may not put up huge numbers, but is the perfect veteran piece to galvanize their defense, and get them over the top.

#2--Miami Dolphins (10-7): Tua will be just fine. It was just four years ago when people were talking about how NFL teams should "Tank For Tua". He will prove the naysayers wrong, especially thanks to Tyreek Hill, and the most underrated tight end in the game, Mike Gesecki. I don't like Miami personally, but I like this team.

#3--New England Patriots (7-10): They'll get two wins over the Jets (who won't?), but get swept by the Bills and Dolphins. Mac Jones will be found to be maxed out, and Bill will likely begin thinking about his life post-football.

#4--New York Jets (3-14): Fighting the Falcons, and maybe the Texans, for the #1 pick in 2023, the Jets are grounded again. Wilson will have a very tough time, hopefully avoiding another injury. I can't believe the injury issues for Highland Springs grad Mekhi Becton, and all the negative talk about him on social media. I hope he returns in 2023 and proves the boo-birds wrong.

AFC North:

#1--Baltimore Ravens (12-5): Lamar is back, playing for a new contract (that he'll undoubtedly earn) and, for once, I believe the injury bug will finally avoid Baltimore. In a year with so much talk surrounding quarterbacks in Pittsburgh and Cleveland, a lot of people have forgotten Mr. Jackson. Not me. 

#2--Cincinnati Bengals (11-6): Is Joe Burrow cool or what?? Going up to Rams during the Super Bowl and saying, "Hey, I'm Joe". He may be the coolest customer since another Joe from a half-century ago. I firmly believe last year wasn't a fluke, and Joe Burrow will not follow the "Dan Marino path" of earning a Super Bowl in one's second season, losing, and never returning....

#3--Pittsburgh Steelers (9-8): Mike Tomlin, will, barely, keep the winning season streak in Pittsburgh alive to reach 20 years, but it won't be enough. We'll definitely see Kenny Pickett at some point. I'm not sure why there was trade interest for Mason Rudolph. Minkah Fitzpatrick needs a defensive MVP year to join T.J. Watt as the Steelers will lean on that defense all season.

#4--Cleveland Browns (4-13): Remember, Cleveland won a playoff game and came "thisclose" to eliminating Kansas City. Now, this franchise is in tatters.

AFC South:

#1--Indianapolis Colts (11-6): Matt Ryan earns new life under Frank Reich, Jonathan Taylor has another banner season, and Shaquille Leonard will lead the Colts' defense to another division title.

#2--Tennessee Titans (9-8): Will there be a quarterback controversy in Nashville? Can Derrick Henry stay healthy all season? These are legitimate questions regarding last year's top AFC seed. The bigger question, though, is will this franchise have a hangover from that shocking loss to the Bengals?

#3--Jacksonville Jaguars (6-11): A good season as the turnaround begins, finally, in North Florida. If anyone can get Trevor Lawrence to a legitimate NFL quarterback level, it's Doug Pederson. Look what he did with Carson Wentz in 2017....

#4--Houston Texans (4-13): Man, I love me some Lovie Smith, but man, he inherits a mess here. 

AFC West:

#1--Los Angeles Chargers (12-5): Yes, it's time. It's Justin Herbert time. Their offense is loaded. Now, if they can remind the head coach that kicking an extra point and punting on 4th down at his own 45 are not bad things....

#2--Kansas City Chiefs (11-6): Patrick Mahomes and company nips at the Chargers' heels all season. That first Thursday night game on Amazon Prime is, likely, the biggest game, in my view, in the first month of the season. It's bigger than Bills/Rams because it's a division game in an incredibly crazy division.

#3--Denver Broncos (8-9): I'm not sold on Russell Wilson's weapons. I think Wilson will be fine, but this division is just too tough. The Broncos inch forward. If they lived in the NFC South, they'd threaten Tampa Bay....

#4--Las Vegas Raiders (6-11): Will my favorite team EVER hire a coach I like?? I hated the Gruden return, and I don't like Josh McDaniels. My impression of him is pumping his fist in the air in Denver after beating New England to go to 6-0 as if they'd won the Super Bowl. And then they fell apart. Devante Adams will wish he was back in Lambeau by December.

AFC PLAYOFFS:

East: Buffalo
North: Baltimore
South: Indianapolis
West: LA Chargers

Wild Cards: 

BYE: Buffalo

Wild Card Weekend:
#2 Baltimore d. #7 Miami
#3 L.A. Chargers d. #6 Kansas City
#5 Cincinnati d. #4 Indianapolis

Divisional Round:
#1 Buffalo d. #5 Cincinnati
#3 L.A. Chargers d. #2 Baltimore

NFC Championship:
#1 Buffalo d. #3 L.A. Chargers

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SUPER BOWL LVII:

God bless Chris Berman, he FINALLY gets his wish! It'll be the 49ers and the Bills facing off in Arizona, breaking the two-year "home team plays, wins Super Bowl" narrative.

Buffalo 31, San Francisco 19

And there you have it! Enjoy the alternate universe that reality will unveil between now and February!  :)


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