Thursday, September 09, 2021

Rob's Fearless And Always Wrong NFL Predictions: The 2021 Edition

Well, come on in! It's another NFL season, billed as the "biggest season ever", as those of us who still aren't used to 16-game schedules now must adjust from 14 games to seventeen. Because, you know, another week of banging helmets and flying bodies is a great thing. But we digress....

Drew Brees is now in my line of work (with a slightly larger audience), Aaron Rodgers may be on the farewell tour, Tom Brady is a robot, and the Raiders are in turmoil. Some things never change.

So, away we go with another big swing and miss as to who does what in the National Football League this season. One thing that's not wrong: NFL Red Zone is your hook-up, every Sunday afternoon.  :) 

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE:

NFC EAST (I can remember when this was a great division...)

1) Dallas (9-8): Someone will finish the season with a winning record, so I'm begrudgingly giving it to the Cowboys because, well, they have a quarterback. Everything else is suspect, but if Dak stays healthy all season, they have the best chance to, at least, look like a respectable team. They'll start 0-1, by the way.

2) Washington (8-9): Man, gotta give dap to Ryan Fitzpatrick. What a journey, and what a great job in keeping himself "indispensable" in that a team seems to always need him. Well, at least for part of the season. This year, however, may be a full season of "Fitzmagic", since no hot shot first round pick is breathing down his neck in the QB room. Their defense keeps them in the (mediocre) race for the division title, but it won't be enough.

3) Philadelphia (6-10-1): I don't think the Jalen Hurts era lasts long in the City of Brotherly Love and Santa Claus hatred. The Eagles haven't exactly provided him a bevy of offensive weapons, either. Where is the tie, you ask? October 10th against Sam Darnold and Carolina.....

4) New York Football Giants (4-13): The bottom will drop out this season. Daniel Jones will be exposed as the wrong choice to replace Eli, Saquon Barkley may or may not actually finish the season, Kenny Golladay is already having injury issues, and the defense, yeah, well......another LONG season for the G-Men.

NFC NORTH (The Black And Blue Division)

1) Green Bay (14-3): Because. Randall Cobb. No, seriously, Aaron Rodgers has a chip on his shoulder for his coach, team management, the producers of Jeopardy! and who knows who else. So, he'll likely throw 40 touchdowns and have like three or four picks all season. Then, somehow, the Packers will find yet another way to fall short of the Super Bowl, endangering Rodgers to fall into "Joe Namath/Dan Marino" territory as all-time great quarterbacks who only made it once to the biggest stage. Rodgers is blessed by the fact that his experience in "The Big Game" was Namath-esque, and not like Marino.

2) Chicago (10-6-1): The Bears will play Justin Fields. Early. I love Andy Dalton and everything he did for my daughter's team, the Bengals, despite the never-ending circumstances with that franchise. But Dalton reminds Bear fans of Mike Tomczak and Rex Grossman and Jay Cutler. They're ready for a Patrick Mahomes (whom they could have drafted.....), so Fields shows up likely no later than an October 10th tie against the Raiders. Enough to make a playoff push? We'll see.....

3) Minnesota (7-10): The clock is running out on Kirk Cousins, and, likely for Mike Zimmer. The Vikings will be competitive, but being swept by the Bears and Packers and going winless after a December 5th win at Detroit will cause a new era to begin in the Twin Cities.

4) Detroit (3-13-1): Coach Campbell should be good for five, nine, or twenty-seven weekly gems when it comes to sound bytes. Otherwise, what is there to be excited about in the Motor City? Go ahead. I'll wait. And while I do, their tie comes on a trip to Denver on December 12th. 

NFC SOUTH (Still Not Used To A "South" Division)

1) Tampa Bay (13-4): The defending champs have all 22 starters back. No reason why they can roll to Los Angeles in February. Except, of course, injuries. I'm looking specifically at the skilled positions. Mike Evans, Chris Godwin, Rob Gronkowski. Will any of them make it through seventeen games?  We learned two years ago that when the weapons become mediocre, the Brady machine can stall. To me, that's the only thing keeping them from another NFC title. They'll have to go back to Lambeau to do it, however.

2) Atlanta (9-8): Call me crazy, but I think Matt Ryan has a very, very good season, and their defense improves. Kyle Pitts is my early Rookie of The Year favorite as he channels everyone from John Mackey and Tony Gonzalez to Travis Kelce and George Kittle. Shoot, throw Dave Casper in there, too, for my Raider Nation friends.  Oh, and Josh Rosen comes in once this season for a shaken-up Ryan and leads Atlanta to a come from behind win. You heard it here first.

3) New Orleans (8-9): They still have Alvin Kamara. But teams will now bear down on him, as Drew Brees is gone, and Michael Thomas might as well be. The last time Jameis Winston as a starter at quarterback, he threw 30 touchdowns.....and 30 interceptions. I'm supposed to believe that'll change? 

4) Carolina (5-11-1): So, about that tie.....anyway, we're about to really find out if Sam Darnold is "the one that got away" from the Jets, or just another former fair Jets quarterback (Richard Todd, anyone?). A healthy Christian McCaffrey may help this record improve by a game or two, but there's no postseason in sight. I'm not sure Matt Ruhle is cut out for the NFL. If it doesn't work out, there should be a fresh set of college teams in the Big 12 who would hire him.

NFC WEST (Once Dominated, Now Everyone Is In Play)

1) Arizona (13-4): Here's the NFC's surprise this year. I hear some of you saying this wouldn't be a surprise. But the trendy picks are Seattle with the consistency of Russell Wilson, or Los Angeles with the missing piece that is Matthew Stafford arriving. But I love, love me some Kyler Murray. Competition is written all over his face. He breaks out this season, will sweep the 49ers, and finally take the next step.

2) Los Angeles Rams (11-6): The Rams will sweep the Seahawks and take one from the 49ers and Cardinals, but the real reasons they'll grab a wild card berth are an easy schedule (Texans, Jags, Colts.....) and Aaron Donald. Stafford will play well, but won't live up to the Super Bowl expectations.

3) San Francisco 49ers (9-8): The Niners will fall victim to quarterback insufficiency, in that they won't be able to decide on one. Then, later in the season when both Garopallo and Nance have their confidence tested, one will be pressed into duty due to an injury to the other, and only mediocre results will come. In the postseason race until late, they'll just miss it.

4) Seattle Seahawks (4-13): It has to happen sometime. This has been a fantastic run for Pete Carroll, but they're long overdue for a season of frustrating losses, injuries, and we still don't really know how much discontent there is between the team and Russell Wilson (Collegiate), the team and Duane Brown (Hermitage), or the team and anyone else in Central Virginia. Let the overhaul begin.

NFC PLAYOFFS:

DIVISION WINNERS:
EAST: Dallas Cowboys
NORTH: Green Bay Packers
SOUTH: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
WEST: Arizona Cardinals
WILD CARDS: Chicago Bears, Los Angeles Rams, Atlanta Falcons

WILD CARD ROUND: Tampa Bay d. Atlanta, Arizona d. LA Rams; Chicago d. Dallas
DIVISIONAL ROUND: Arizona d. Tampa Bay, Green Bay d. Chicago
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Arizona d. Green Bay

AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE:

AFC EAST (Hey! Where did Tom Brady go??)

1) Buffalo Bills (12-5): The Bills were very, very good last year. They'll tread water this season, but it'll be enough to win their division. Another big year for Stephan Diggs. A tough schedule hands them a few losses more than others think, including a split with the Patriots, because....

2) New England Patriots (10-7): I wouldn't say "they're back", but I will say Mac Jones vs Josh Allen should be fun for the next several years. The Pats loaded up on weapons, so Jones will have veterans plenty to throw to, and James White will be a big help for the rookie. 

3) Miami Dolphins (6-10-1): The ugliest Sunday will be their tie against, of all teams, Houston on November 7th. The Dolphins have done little to instill confidence in their quarterback. If you truly believe in Tua, you don't talk about Deshawn Watson with Houston. As a punishment for leaving your young signal caller dangling, you'll tie them in November, a stain on what will be a forgettable season. 

4) New York Jets (4-12-1): So, let's face it. A first-year QB for the New York Jets isn't a recipe for a mighty, immediate resurgence. This time is no different. They'll have a few wins, and they'll improve under Robert Saleh. A lot. But it just won't show up in the win/loss column this year. Oh, and THEIR tie wraps up Thanksgiving weekend with, yep, Houston.

AFC NORTH (We Just Beat Up Each Other And The Bengals):

1) Baltimore Ravens (11-6): I came very close to giving this slot to the Cleveland Browns. But I can't. Because they're the Browns. So the Ravens get it by a hair. This is a strange division, with three good teams, but each with their achilles heel. The running game will be Baltimore's as J.K. Dobbins is gone, and Lamar Jackson has to remember to be a dual threat quarterback.

2) Cleveland Browns (10-7): Baker Mayfield gets better? A little. Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt are the difference here. If the Browns can get above average work from their defensive line, they might make me regret placing them below Baltimore.

3) Pittsburgh Steelers (7-10): Big Ben. Ouch. He looks old. He's the last of the big three quarterbacks from the 2004 Draft in uniform (Eli, Rivers), he's lost his long-time center, and JuJu Smith-Schuster doesn't seem ready to be the leader that the likes of Lynn Swann and Hines Ward have been historically for this team. Minkah Fitzpatrick plays his way into the DPOY conversation, but Pittsburgh doesn't make the playoffs.

4) Cincinnati Bengals (5-12): Burrow is back, but it'll take another season for him to really get ahold of the game. Plus, his receiving corp is quite suspect. Higgins good, Chase? He seems skiddish. One more year with A.J. Green, if healthy, would've brought great experience. Bengals fans hope he doesn't tear it up in the Valley of The Sun. Cincinnati just has so many holes, especially the back seven defensively.

AFC SOUTH (AEW Could Win Four Games In This Division):

1) Tennessee Titans (10-7): COVID issues aside, the Titans will get it together after a slow start. They'll need a new tight end with Smith gone to New England. Julio Jones and AJ Brown create quite a one-two punch, and there's that Henry guy. 2,000 yards in a 17-game season? He could stiff-arm his way to one.  :)

2) Indianapolis Colts (9-8): After a year of asking, "Is Carson Wentz the answer?", the answer will be, well, we don't know. He usually deals with injuries, so just having him into January will be an accomplishment. Hopefully T.Y. Hilton gets back soon. I expect bigger things for Mo Alie-Cox.

3) Jacksonville Jaguars (4-13): They'll sweep Houston and find an upset win over the Saints on Halloween, but other than that, few treats for Urban Meyer in the first year of his NFL experiment. I think of so many great college coaches who just fell so flat at the professional level (Bud Wilkinson, Nick Saban, Steve Spurrier, and let's face it, Barry Switzer had a Ferrari handed to him and turned it into a Ford Focus....), I just can't see this working. 

4) Houston Texans (1-14-2): With the first pick in the 2022 NFL Draft.....

AFC WEST (Gunslingers Necessary):

1) Kansas City Chiefs (15-2): The two-time defending AFC champions will benefit from playing the NFC East this season. They'll split with the Chargers and might slip up in D.C. October 17th. Other than that, it's business as usual with a chip on their shoulder after their shockingly poor performance in Super Bowl LV.

2) Los Angeles Chargers (11-6): Justin Herbert will take a BIG step forward in year two, be briefly in the MVP conversation, and, most importantly, get the Chargers back to the postseason. Keenan Allen, Mike Williams.....stay healthy!! Who plays tight end is key here, and so is the kicking game.

3) Oakl....ah....Las Vegas Raiders (7-9-1): Mike Mayock is fired in-season as General Manager in a final power ploy that has been going on behind the scenes with Jon Gruden. Derek Carr continues his frustrating play that leaves Raider fans like me looking for the bourbon (and I don't drink!), and, hopefully, just hopefully, Mark Davis wakes up and makes wholesale changes for 2022. I didn't like Gruden's return from the moment it was rumored. Let it end. Soon.

4) Denver Broncos (3-13-1): Goodbye Vic Fangio in a season unfair to Teddy Bridgewater. It's hard to believe this roster was put together by John Elway.

AFC PLAYOFFS:

DIVISION WINNERS:
AFC EAST: Buffalo Bills
AFC NORTH: Baltimore Ravens
AFC SOUTH: Tennessee Titans
AFC WEST: Kansas City Chiefs
WILD CARDS: Los Angeles Chargers, New England Patriots, Cleveland Browns

WILD CARD ROUND: Buffalo d. Cleveland, New England d. Baltimore, LA Chargers d. Tennessee
DIVISIONAL ROUND: Kansas City d. LA Chargers; Buffalo d. New England
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Buffalo d. Kansas City

SUPER BOWL LVI: It's a shocking matchup as a team who may not even play in their longtime city a couple of years from now, and has lost four Super Bowls, faces a historically bad Cardinals franchise who led late in their only Super Bowl appearance only to see Santonio Holmes catch a pass with 57 Cardinals surrounding him to give Pittsburgh the win 13 seasons ago (13?!?).

So, in true Buffalo and Arizona fashion, the game will end in a tie and Roger Goodell will take the Vince Lombardi Trophy back to his basement.

Just kidding.....

Buffalo 31, Arizona 26


And now that you know what WON'T happen over the next five months, enjoy the season, and stay safe!  :) 

No comments:

Post a Comment