Not speaking. For two weeks. The first day I thought it to be psychologically chic. The weekend was no problem. Monday I realized how emotionally wrenching it can be to not be able to talk. Today I tried in any way I could to be the witty jokester, only without the use of the spoken English language.
With nine days to go, I'm compiling a list of "things that might happen when I start talking again....or, things I hope are fixed during these 14 days other than my vocal cords....
BUT BEFORE WE BEGIN: I get a kick out of people asking me for answers to questions and explanations to whatever. It's not their fault, it's a natural human action. :)
1) I might recognize my voice.
2) I get to say the word "angst" again, and not just feel the emotion.
3) Drive-thrus will return to being relevant.
4) My brain has had enough time to reprogram itself to make sure I stop yelling the name of my Swedish lover, Anna, in the middle of the night.
5) That I won't have to waste precious vocal cord tissue on the following trite advertising phrases:
--that number again
--it's that time of year again
--hurry, sale ends soon
--lowest prices of the season
--friendly, knowledgable staff
--"insert holiday or season name here" is right around the corner!
--www
--want to save money?
Ha! No, I'm burning through my money, I won't be coming to your store! Heavens to Betsy.....
6) It will be at least 12 hours before yelling my childrens' names returns to being a reflex action
7) I still won't speak a foreign language.
8) I can verbally explain to my wife why "not tonight dear, my legs hurt" is damaging to a guy's ego.
9) I can sing along to the portion of "Rappers Delight" that begins, "..ever been over to a friend's house to eat and the food just ain't no good?"
We will stop at nine. More to come, I reckon.
That is, if I stop yelling out Anna's name. That keeps up, and my voice won't be the only thing on my body not working. :)
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